This Is A Pet Peeve Of Mine!

This Vehicle Is NOT, 

I repeat, 

A compact Car!!!!!

Pretty funny, Eh?

I Heart San Francisco

I took this a few days ago...

 

 A Guy With A Blind Cane Texting On BART

Sarah Handicap (Curb Your Enthusiasm)

I couldn't believe it when the nurse at the state of the art Presidio Surgery Center, who had swiped the fancy wand across my forehead to take my temperature and showed me the tropical scene on the fluorescent light fixtures overhead, handed me a pair of crutches right out of the dark ages. I think the United States and some third world countries are the only ones that still use the underarm crutch. All over Europe and Canada the forearm or elbow crutch is standard.

                              Tiny Tim, holding a crutch against his armpit

As soon as I could, I started looking for the forearm crutches on line. There are not a lot available here in the US. Most of them are very ugly and instantly evoke images of polio survivors or the kids with hip problems who used them like two canes, walking  with a swivel and a side to side type of gait. Crutches have come a long way since Dickens' Tiny Tim and a time when we would just call anyone who had a walking problem a cripple. However, you wouldn't know it, if you aren't able to walk with both legs here in the good ol' U S of A.

American Forearm Crutches

(Only come in grey)

Sunday, my friend Smithy decided I needed to get the hell off of my couch and out of my house. She doesn't have a car, so we were going on this field trip with her driving my car, for the first time. Once she adjusted the seat, mirrors, checked everything out, and pulled the car around to the top of the driveway and I very clumsily sat down and shoved the crutches in the back seat, we were off. But, we didn't know where to go or what to do. So, after a lot of "what do you want to do," "I don't know, what do you want to do(s)" we went with our old standby, the beach. Half way there I decided I wanted to just go to the movies, because it seemed easier.

 

European Forearm Crutch

(Come in many colors, but very expensive)

What a joke! First, when Smithy pulled up to the curb (about 8" away) I couldn't figure out how to negotiate the gap with my crutches, so I made her get closer and that helped. I hobbled over to the box office in West Portal, while trying not to get bumped by the minefield of people walking all around me like Zombies, mindlessly talking on their cell phones. I finally got in line and I had to wait on an incline, which is not easy to do standing on one leg with crutches under each arm. A slight breeze or brush from a cell phone talking Zombie would have knocked me over.

Once I got the tickets and made it inside I waited for Smithy. It took quite a bit of time for her to find a parking space. Soon after she got inside, the ticket girls (there were three) gestured to the theater and Smithy noticed the steep little staircase entering the theater itself. She pointed to the stairs and I freaked. There was no way I could get up those stairs, not to mention how the hell I was going to go down them. I asked the oblivious ticket girls if that was the only way in and why they didn't tell me about it. They said "yeah" and that they didn't have to tell me, because on a small sign posted on the box office window that lists the movies, I am supposed to look for the little wheelchair icon and if there isn't a wheelchair next to the theater, then it is not handicap accessible. I guess they have never been on crutches...Assholes!

By the time Smithy came back with the car and I fell in it, I just wanted to go home. However, Smithy wasn't going for that and we ended up at The Century 20 Theaters in Daly City. The people working there were much nicer and the ticket guy reassured me that there weren't any stairs, just an escalator and an elevator. I chose the elevator. Of course, the theater we needed to get to was the furthest out of twenty. Oh, and the handicap seats are basically in the front row. However, I got used to the seats real fast. I thoroughly enjoyed and highly recommend staring at George Clooney, Ewan McGregor, and Kevin Spacey for an hour and a half, when you feel like shit.

The Men Who Stare at Goats

Look What I Found!

(Found this on the Internet w/o photo credit)

Really?

Are men so homophobic they would risk their lives just so they won't have to hold onto another (gasp) man while riding on the back of a motorcycle? Basic physics tells us that leaning back and not holding onto anything or merely a strap or bar that is located behind the passenger, will promote a more bumpy ride with an increased vulnerability to falling off than leaning into the driver. When the passenger leans into the driver they are working with the (forward) motion of the bike. Not to mention they have something to hold on to i.e., the driver.

Living in San Francisco, I see quite a bit of people riding motorcycles and scooters when I'm out and about in the city. I am noticing more and more that the passengers don't seem to be holding on to anything. Albeit, the last time I rode on the back of a bike I nearly cut the driver in half, because I was squeezing his waist so hard, but to not hold on at all or just hold on to the back of the bike seat with one hand? That seems ludicrous.

I haven't been in the position to take pictures of any of this, so I started looking for some online. I found a few, but what I found a lot of were websites and blogs dedicated to instructing people on how to ride on the back of a bike. I was very relieved to see so much information on the subject. However, to my dismay these were the types of things I found. This shit is all over the Internet.

I do not agree with this at all!!!

The following is from the website Instructables (Pay special attention to step 3)

introBeing safe as a pillion passenger on a motorbike. 

step 1For starters...

Before you get on ask the driver if they want you to put your feet down at the lights etc. It's actually a serious point, if they can balance with the extra weight most wil…

step 2Getting on.

Let the rider get on and get themselves set up, don't get on until they've shifted the bike to somewhere they're ready to leave from, ride-arounds are hell with a pillion p…

step 3Now you're moving.

So once you're moving there is that whole business of staying on the bike... Lock your arms behind you or beside you, this stops you tilting back when accelerating and tak…

step 4The other bits.

When it's windy it can be a bit unnerving to be coming over a bridge at 60mph and suddenly be hit by gusts of wind, try not to react to these and give the rider any extra c…

step 5Little extras and good ideas.

Things that will be of help: - Gloves, a decent pair should keep you from freezing to the bike... - A proper motorbike jacket is a plus for protection during crashes an…

Are you kidding me?

After reading step 3, step 4 seems ridiculous. How can you not react to being hit by a gust of wind going over a bridge at 60mph? Whether you like it or not if you are sticking out away from the driver and leaning back you will probably get knocked off of the bike or at least lose balance and cause the bike to react, which could lead to an accident driving on a bridge at high speeds. Weeee!

Parking Sucks In San Francisco

Are you kidding me?

I found this on my friend's Facebook page...I don't know who took the photo.

Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Was Crowded!

Are you kidding me? Hardly Strictly Bluegrass on Sunday probably saw the most crowds in its history and had the worst lineup by far. I regret having missed the festival last year, because I was still in Las Vegas. I was told Gogol Bordello, Odetta, and of course Marty-Wilson Piper were Awesome, to quote a few of my friends.

This year I was happy to have seen (mostly heard) Neko Case. The crowd was probably the biggest crowd I was a part of in my life. I usually avoid large groups of people, because I'm short and have a claustrophobic issue. I pulled out a few tricks so I could withstand the conditions. First of all, I put my chair down kind of close to the stage up on the hill stage right, about an hour before Neko was scheduled and then left to hang out with Smithy over at the Rooster Stage where we waited for Marianne Faithful to play.

By the way, I was disappointed in Marianne Faithful's performance, even though it was exactly what I had expected, go figure. Half way through Marianne's show Smithy and I got up, because we were bored. I still had a half an hour before Neko Case started. Smithy said she wanted to get some water, so we started walking towards 19th Avenue. Right around the Arrow Stage she decided she was done and said she was going to check out whatever was happening on the Porch Stage, because it was the smallest stage and would probably have the least amount of people. Her plan was to leave from there. There was no way she was going to walk back in the direction of the rest of the stages through most of the people and all of their accessories. She reached her limit.

I decided to go to the bathroom, I mean port-a-potty down by the Arrow Stage and then worked my way back up to my chair at the Star Stage. I reached the the area where I left my chair with about five minutes to spare. However, I couldn't find my chair in the throngs of people. I knew if I could just find my chair, that gesture alone would be enough to ground me and keep me from running all the way to my car, trampling right on blankets, pushing babies out of the way, knocking joints out of people's hands, wrestling with dopey dogs, and colliding with bicyclists screaming my head off and crying my eyes out like a lunatic.  I just needed to find my chair, the last thing I wanted was to have a meltdown.

I saw a guy sitting on a chair that looked a lot like mine. I asked him if he brought that chair and he said yes. A stoned guy laying on a blanket told me that he had seen another guy just come and take a blue chair. I think I gulped with the loudest sound I've heard myself make without having actually swallowed something. I didn't want to panic, so I questioned the guy sitting in the blue chair once more. Basically, it turned out that he dropped his chair off early (like me) and when he came back he simply assumed the chair he was sitting in was his. After closer inspection we both concluded it was mine and the one that was taken was his. Whew, disaster averted. However, I ended up standing the whole time during her set anyway. I was going to stay and watch the blind couple from Mali, but after Neko Case the sun was setting and it got really cold. Barbara had found me right after I found my chair so we left together. We were done, we reached our limit.

Check out my pictures on Flickr http://www.flickr.com/photos/20746592@N00/sets/72157622398260057/
 

Does A Bear Scat In The Woods?

This is an actual story aired on the news. It is not from the John Stewart Show or the Comedy Channel...at all!!!