Foot Surgery Prep

I am having surgery on my foot Tuesday and I am starting to get nervous. The last time I had surgery (that laid me up for a few weeks) it was an emergency. Consequently, I didn't really have enough food and my house wasn't very clean. This time I got the heads up about a week ago and I want to be prepared.

Here's my list:

1) New pajama bottoms (preferably ones without little holes in the crotch) with legs wide enough to fit over the ugly shoe/boot I will have to wear for quite a few weeks
2) New T-shirts (without holes and/or stains) to sleep in
3) A new robe light and airy that fits (actually made for a woman) that doesn't make me look like a slob
4) A cute night gown that isn't too short or see through or too long, because I don't want to trip on it with my crutches or have it too twisted around me while I'm sleeping
5) Lots of comfort food that is real easy to make
6) Clean the house from top to bottom, because I probably won't clean for awhile and my Mom's coming for four days and I don't want hear about it
7) A chair to put in the bath tub to sit on while taking a shower with my foot sticking out, so it won't get wet
8) A removable shower head, so I can actually take a shower sitting down
9) Leg wax and pedicure, because everyone will be looking at my legs and toes

I've already been to Home Depot twice and I'm going back today. The first shower head had no power. The second one I bought works OK, but it doesn't fit together properly. It looks and feels like it's going to just fall apart. I bought the shower chair at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, because the ones at Home Depot were too ugly. I mentioned that to the guy helping me and he told me that if I didn't like the way the chair looked, I should decorate it. I told him he was crazy and he suggested stickers. However, I also have to return the chair, because it is defective. I just wish I would have noticed it before I put it together.

I love the pajamas and robe I bought. Everything was so reasonably priced I bought two set of PJ's for my Mom. I still have to clean my house and get the pedi and leg wax, but I feel like I'm on schedule.

Wish me luck! And if you're not doing anything for the next couple of weeks, you can come over and watch movies with me...

Match.com and Second Life

I hadn't talked to one of my friends for a long time, so when I called her, I asked her if she's seeing anyone. I loathe asking anyone that question, especially a woman who is in her forties or older. I mostly do it as a manipulative ploy. That way we don't have to talk about me and my singleness, at least not right away. She said she's still dabbling in on line dating. I tried Match.com three years ago with terrible, but not surprising results. I feel I am single, because I just seem to meet men who don't really do it for me for one reason or another. So, basically being on Match.com meant I just had to deal with a bigger pool of men I didn't want to know.

I hear a lot of crazy stories from my friends about the men they meet on line. My friend (I had mentioned at the top if this post) told me a few more weird stories. One about how the guy (on the third date) went on and on about his interactions with his fellow employees. I think I had blurted out, "bor-ring!" She replied, "Maybe, but he doesn't know his fellow workers, he telecommutes. He's never even met them. He doesn't even know what some of them look like." But that's not even the crazy story.

She told me that she set up a date with a guy that looked and sounded great, kind of George Clooney-esque with steely blue eyes. The date couldn't have gone better, he was even better looking in person, very charming and interesting. Basically, she said she was immediately smitten by her date. I don't even know how he told her, but somehow it was apparent that he was looking for a girlfriend to have in his virtual reality called Second Life. He said she would be a really cute avatar. He thought they were perfect together and could have a great romance in the game.

Seriously, and I was starting to buy into all the crap I hear. That I am single, because I don't try hard enough to snare a man. If I sign up for collagen injections, plastic surgery, and Brazilian wax jobs I would not be single.

Don't worry kiddies, I haven't given up all hope. Now, not only can us single women enlarge the pool of losers we already have to chose from by signing up for Match.com, Salon.com, Yahoo Personals, eHarmony, Facebook, Myspace, MatureSinglesOnly.com, and Cupid.com we can expand it infinitely more, by looking for men in a whole other world, one that doesn't even exist. I can't wait until we can start looking for our soul mates on another planet! Or better yet why do we have to stick to our own solar system or galaxy for that matter? Remember girls, the sky's the limit!

Even Monkeys Don't Like Cheating

I found this online at http://markarayner.com/archives/399

Hot Flashes And Dating

My friends wonder why I am not dating or even really trying. Last week, while I was snapping pictures at an art opening a handsome, well dressed, and well mannered guy (I actually thought was attractive) started talking to me. I was really flattered, but found it very difficult to have much of a conversation. Right when I realized he was flirting with me I had a severe hot flash, but I couldn't take my coat off, because I had a crappy top on underneath. So, I kept looking away, secretly wiping my face. At some point he tried to get closer to me, but then I had a hard time focusing on his face, because I couldn't figure out which part of my lenses to look through. My new glasses are trifocals, not bifocals, trifocals. So, I started squinting and then remembered I had some cheese at the last opening and took the breath test (right in front of him) and then made a face, like it was bad. I wasn't sure what was worse, having bad breath or him knowing that I had just realized I had bad breath.

When I gave him my number (I know that's hard to believe) he told me he was leaving town and won't be back until Christmas and he will call me then. We'll see, I'm not holding my breath. Actually on second thought maybe I should spare a few innocent souls and hold it after all.

Look What I Found!

(Found this on the Internet w/o photo credit)

Really?

Are men so homophobic they would risk their lives just so they won't have to hold onto another (gasp) man while riding on the back of a motorcycle? Basic physics tells us that leaning back and not holding onto anything or merely a strap or bar that is located behind the passenger, will promote a more bumpy ride with an increased vulnerability to falling off than leaning into the driver. When the passenger leans into the driver they are working with the (forward) motion of the bike. Not to mention they have something to hold on to i.e., the driver.

Living in San Francisco, I see quite a bit of people riding motorcycles and scooters when I'm out and about in the city. I am noticing more and more that the passengers don't seem to be holding on to anything. Albeit, the last time I rode on the back of a bike I nearly cut the driver in half, because I was squeezing his waist so hard, but to not hold on at all or just hold on to the back of the bike seat with one hand? That seems ludicrous.

I haven't been in the position to take pictures of any of this, so I started looking for some online. I found a few, but what I found a lot of were websites and blogs dedicated to instructing people on how to ride on the back of a bike. I was very relieved to see so much information on the subject. However, to my dismay these were the types of things I found. This shit is all over the Internet.

I do not agree with this at all!!!

The following is from the website Instructables (Pay special attention to step 3)

introBeing safe as a pillion passenger on a motorbike. 

step 1For starters...

Before you get on ask the driver if they want you to put your feet down at the lights etc. It's actually a serious point, if they can balance with the extra weight most wil…

step 2Getting on.

Let the rider get on and get themselves set up, don't get on until they've shifted the bike to somewhere they're ready to leave from, ride-arounds are hell with a pillion p…

step 3Now you're moving.

So once you're moving there is that whole business of staying on the bike... Lock your arms behind you or beside you, this stops you tilting back when accelerating and tak…

step 4The other bits.

When it's windy it can be a bit unnerving to be coming over a bridge at 60mph and suddenly be hit by gusts of wind, try not to react to these and give the rider any extra c…

step 5Little extras and good ideas.

Things that will be of help: - Gloves, a decent pair should keep you from freezing to the bike... - A proper motorbike jacket is a plus for protection during crashes an…

Are you kidding me?

After reading step 3, step 4 seems ridiculous. How can you not react to being hit by a gust of wind going over a bridge at 60mph? Whether you like it or not if you are sticking out away from the driver and leaning back you will probably get knocked off of the bike or at least lose balance and cause the bike to react, which could lead to an accident driving on a bridge at high speeds. Weeee!

I Made A Mistake

In my last post Talking Is So Underrated I wrote down the wrong dog breed when referring to my cousin Nancy's dog Moxie a Shih Tzu.

So, how do I correct that type of thing? Usually, when I write something that has been published, I have to write a statement declaring the mistake with the correction in a separate piece, without ever actually changing the error in the original publication. But, this is a blog. Let me be clear, this is my blog, I have total control. I can edit each post whenever and however I want. It seems sneaky to just fix the mistake without mentioning it. So, I am making it real clear I am doing both. I am mentioning the error in this post and I am making the correction in the original post. 

Talking Is So Underrated

I had a great weekend. It was one of those weekends where I was cognizant of the fact I have a blog. I would do something fun, hear something funny or interesting and I would pause to take a mental note to make sure it goes on my next post ASAP! I felt like I was narrating and directing my life, because it needed the push.

So let's see, I need a moment while I scroll down the mental list of what I SHOULD write about...Friday night? No, I can't even remember what I did Friday night...Saturday...made two pillows not important...went to Writers With Drinks at The Make Out Room, Yes! The writers and their readings, maybe...the audience, sure. See, now that I have started outlining this post, nothing seems that great anymore. My weekend experiences went from fond memories I can't wait to talk about, to an academic exercise tedious and insignificant.

On Sunday, I saw Zombieland and my cousin Nancy's new dog Moxie. After that I went to Safeway and bought a box of gumdrops, you know the chewy candies made of pure sugar covered in sugar, plus TEN different crappy cookies I plucked out of the cookie bin located in the corner of the store, along with two half gallons of unfiltered apple juice, white cheddar cheese, bananas, and my usual health food purchases. I ate three cookies on the way home and four more at home, plus half of the disgusting gum drops and then ate diner. However, I don't think that is really worth mentioning. Except, I totally recommend Zombieland and Moxie is the cutest dog I have ever seen. Oh and I feel like I'm hormonal...because of all the sugar.

Oh shoot, now I remember what I did Friday night. I went to five different open studio art openings. I promised Alan I would cover them for his website Art Business. I feel kind of bad that I forgot about the art openings. I am pretty sure I visited over fifty art studios and talked to most of the artists about their work. Anyway, I shouldn't write about the art stuff here, because my comments are going on the Art Business website.

Actually, I did have a good time at the openings. I ran into a couple of people I haven't seen in a long time and a couple I run into a lot. My friend Wickie was giving life advice free for five minutes with a friend of hers, Dana a career coach. My five minutes turned into a half an hour and then Wickie's boyfriend Jed came up and we all justed started talking about everything we could think of. (I don't think I should end that sentence with the word of.) Oh well...

Oh my God! My cousin Nancy just won a two year long battle with her landlords and was finally able to get a dog. She has been volunteering at Pets Unlimited to get in her dog fix, because her apartment wouldn't allow dogs. It's a long story, but she cat sat my cat Chloe when I went to Costa Rica for a year and when I came back Chloe ended up staying with her, so she had her a total of nine years. When Nancy got married she gave her back to me, because her husband is deathly allergic to cats. Giving her back broke her heart. So, that's when she turned her attention to dogs. Her husband isn't allergic to dogs. On August 10th at thirteen years old, we put Chloe to sleep, because she was so sick. I think that was the catalyst that gave her the courage to really get serious with her landlords about the dog issue.

Well, jumping ahead...her landlords finally acquiesced and she got Moxie, a teeny Shih Tzu, recovering from a gnarly dog mauling experience that left her with broken bones in two of her legs, a punctured rib, and a ton of other things I am not sure of, because my brain stopped listening after hearing about the punctured lung. Apparently, the previous owners were visiting a friend with Moxie, who had a viscous dog that attacked him. Then they just dropped him off at Pets Unlimited where my cousin (who had been pining away for a dog) just happened to be. Sunday during my visit with Moxie, we tried to teach him how to shake, but we didn't really know what we were doing and we weren't sure if we should shake the foot that had the cast or the good one. Anyway, he loved the sound of the clicker and the treats.

Oh, I just got an email from Mike one of the three guys I let sit in the booth I snagged at Writers With Drinks. I got to The Make Out Room an hour early and there was already a line out in front. By the time I entered the bar all of the seats at the little tables directly in front of the stage were taken so, I grabbed a booth to the side of the stage. The place was filling up fast. First a lesbo (I say lesbo, however butch dike is more fitting, but it sounds so dated) around my age, asked me if she and her two friends could share it with me. I said sure, but it kind of looked like her friends liked where they were.  It turned out I actually know her. She was a friend of one of my neighbors and came into my store all of the time. I am trying to remember which pronoun she preferred. I am pretty sure it's she, but I really can't remember. Then I let a guy named Tom sit there with the condition that there would be enough room for all of us, including Barbara who had asked me (earlier) to save her a seat. The second he sat down two guys wanted to know if there was room for them. I screamed to my friend Danny the lesbo and she shook her head, so the two guys Mike and Steve (or is it Steven?) squeezed into the booth. Barbara didn't come until after the show had started. So, for about an hour four perfect strangers all excited to see Charlie Jane Anders' show, passed the time by actually talking to each other.  It seemed so old fashioned, but it felt right.

 Me and My Boothmate Tom
photo by Steven Black another boothmate

Here are some links
Online travel journal by Mike, one of my boothmates 
Writers With Drinks
 

Parking Sucks In San Francisco

Are you kidding me?

I found this on my friend's Facebook page...I don't know who took the photo.

Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Was Crowded!

Are you kidding me? Hardly Strictly Bluegrass on Sunday probably saw the most crowds in its history and had the worst lineup by far. I regret having missed the festival last year, because I was still in Las Vegas. I was told Gogol Bordello, Odetta, and of course Marty-Wilson Piper were Awesome, to quote a few of my friends.

This year I was happy to have seen (mostly heard) Neko Case. The crowd was probably the biggest crowd I was a part of in my life. I usually avoid large groups of people, because I'm short and have a claustrophobic issue. I pulled out a few tricks so I could withstand the conditions. First of all, I put my chair down kind of close to the stage up on the hill stage right, about an hour before Neko was scheduled and then left to hang out with Smithy over at the Rooster Stage where we waited for Marianne Faithful to play.

By the way, I was disappointed in Marianne Faithful's performance, even though it was exactly what I had expected, go figure. Half way through Marianne's show Smithy and I got up, because we were bored. I still had a half an hour before Neko Case started. Smithy said she wanted to get some water, so we started walking towards 19th Avenue. Right around the Arrow Stage she decided she was done and said she was going to check out whatever was happening on the Porch Stage, because it was the smallest stage and would probably have the least amount of people. Her plan was to leave from there. There was no way she was going to walk back in the direction of the rest of the stages through most of the people and all of their accessories. She reached her limit.

I decided to go to the bathroom, I mean port-a-potty down by the Arrow Stage and then worked my way back up to my chair at the Star Stage. I reached the the area where I left my chair with about five minutes to spare. However, I couldn't find my chair in the throngs of people. I knew if I could just find my chair, that gesture alone would be enough to ground me and keep me from running all the way to my car, trampling right on blankets, pushing babies out of the way, knocking joints out of people's hands, wrestling with dopey dogs, and colliding with bicyclists screaming my head off and crying my eyes out like a lunatic.  I just needed to find my chair, the last thing I wanted was to have a meltdown.

I saw a guy sitting on a chair that looked a lot like mine. I asked him if he brought that chair and he said yes. A stoned guy laying on a blanket told me that he had seen another guy just come and take a blue chair. I think I gulped with the loudest sound I've heard myself make without having actually swallowed something. I didn't want to panic, so I questioned the guy sitting in the blue chair once more. Basically, it turned out that he dropped his chair off early (like me) and when he came back he simply assumed the chair he was sitting in was his. After closer inspection we both concluded it was mine and the one that was taken was his. Whew, disaster averted. However, I ended up standing the whole time during her set anyway. I was going to stay and watch the blind couple from Mali, but after Neko Case the sun was setting and it got really cold. Barbara had found me right after I found my chair so we left together. We were done, we reached our limit.

Check out my pictures on Flickr http://www.flickr.com/photos/20746592@N00/sets/72157622398260057/