Thursday, December 31, 2009

Christmas With The Goldfarbs

I feel compelled to do a type of recap of my life as a post on this blog, because I haven't written anything for almost two weeks. However, that type of literal writing simply isn't my style. I mean, I take great pains to make sure everything I write is clear, concise, and easy to read. However, simply listing or recounting the things I have done, seen, and experienced on such a public arena seems like an exercise in masturbation and boredom. Two places one gets to that shouldn't require very much work.

I have been with my family and friends in the Los Angeles area since December 21st and having a great time. The weather is perfect and I am visiting all of the people and friends I had planned to see. I love my parents, they are like little kids, always a lot of fun. However, how do you know, if your parents are getting Alzheimer's, if they are eccentric in the first place? What, if growing up your Mom or Dad used to stand at the back door (everyday for thirty years) trying every key on the key chain, before finding the right one, even though that door was never kept locked? If they never recognized their house key when they were in their prime, then what are the signs to look for now they are old? What if my Mom always ate ice cream sandwiches for breakfast in the summer? Do we think she might be losing it, if she starts eating them in the winter or at a different time of day?

I love coming home no matter what, because it makes me see clearly how much I am loved and missed, by these crazy people I call my family and friends. Is a marriage over when your husband is addicted to phone sex, cyber sex, and real life sex with other women? Is it OK to call the guy you are having sex with your boyfriend, even though he spends days like Christmas, New Year's, and his birthday with other women?  My three year old cousin squealed uncontrollably when she saw a present for her wrapped in purple and pink sparkly wrapping paper.

I am going back home to San Francisco on Saturday and I can't wait to see my cat and the guy I made out with right before I left. I hope they are just as happy to see me as I am to see them.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Ug, Parking In San Francisco

This is a very cute video that wants the viewer to think that it is about how to solve the parking problem in San Francisco. However, it is quite clear that IBM's ingenious new idea is another way for the city to enforce even stricter methods in regard to parking meters in order to justify issuing more tickets.

This great new idea involves smart phones, which bothers me twice. People with cheap phones or (heaven forbid) no cell phones, won't get the breaks. Plus the fact that, if this is the wave of the future, there will be yet another reason for drivers to pay less attention to the road than their phones.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Birds Are Wiser!

One of the pictures I posted last night reminded me of Dorothy Draper. 
I really like this quote.

"Birds are so much wiser than we! A robin builds a nest for robins. A seagull builds a nest for seagulls. They don't copy each other - or build themselves nests as described in The Birds' Decorating Magazine."
Dorothy Draper, In the Pink (1940)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I Am Drooling!

The Danish really know how to marry vintage and contemporary design with style!

Below are some photos from the latest edition of the Danish magazine RUM
Unfortunately, I couldn't figure out who manufactured or designed these pieces. 
It is hard to believe, but I do not speak or read Danish.

I did figure out that this would be around $585.00.
It would look perfect in my office.

I would move to Denmark right now, if that was going to be my living room.

I think the Eiffel Tower makes the room.

Tea and chocolate, please!

I love, love, love the table.
I have the white chair in the forefront on the left.

Freewheelin' On One Crutch!

It is amazing how not being able to walk while holding something in my hand has affected me emotionally. I'm a wreck. Since, I can't go anywhere I thought more people would just come over to hang out and keep me company. I had lots of company and help at the beginning, but who wants to just come over and do nothing or someone else's chores? The sheer amount of help dwindled quickly after about two weeks. I have been unable to do normal things for SIX weeks.

However, Sunday I decided to walk with one crutch, like a cane. It is amazing to be able to walk around (albeit very, very, very slow) while holding something in my hand. I vacuumed yesterday for the first time since the operation and for the first time really liked doing it. Eating in the living room was like planning a family vacation. For six weeks eating a meal in a room other than the kitchen, meant full out planning with my bike messenger bag, a thermos, and Tupperware. If it couldn't go in the bike bag I'd have to eat it in the kitchen. Getting my morning coffee to my desk was like going on a Walkabout in the Australian bush. I was always a better person at the end of it.

 From the movie Walkabout (1971)

Friday, December 11, 2009

Check It Out!

That is an Xray of my foot (not the toe) between the ankle and the base of the big toe.
A stainless steel screw was inserted. Can you see where they cut the bone?

Thursday, December 10, 2009

What More Do You Want?

I don't know who took the picture I found it online

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Nazi Trash

A friend of mine just came back from Europe and showed me over 600 pictures she took. They were all fantastic, but I really liked this one. I believe it was taken in Switzerland. I had no idea there was much of a Nazi problem these days in Switzerland or anywhere for that matter.

Nazi Trash (Photo by Annabelle Port)

Monday, December 7, 2009

I Am Definitely Stir Crazy!

I need to put it out in the ether that I am very lonely...sigh.

It has been five weeks since my foot surgery and my being ambulatory. I can only walk with the use of crutches. Which means I can only go so far, I can't drive and I can't carry anything in my hands. Most of my close friends have been very helpful. The ones I'm not real close to, plus a few people I considered very close are leaving me dangling with empty promises. They do that thing of volunteering much more than what is expected and I guess when I take them up on their offer, they rethink the situation and then blow me off or they were just talking and really meant nothing by saying they wanted to come over or take me out.

It is very sad to toy with the emotions of a cripple. And toying with my emotions they are. I can't say they won't be my friends, but I can say they are not to be relied upon. Actually, what is taking its toll on me emotionally, is how hard it is to organize rides to places I need to go.

I know I am being overly dramatic, but think about it...I am overly sensitive when I feel fine. However, of course there are those who I was just nice to when I have seen them in the past, who are stepping up to the plate in leaps and bounds. It is the gesture or lack there of that is so meaningful.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Write About Porn To Get Hits

In the last couple of days this blog received hundreds of hits. Normally, I am lucky if I get over six people in one day clicking on my blog and most of those are my friends.

A couple of days ago I wrote about being spammed by a sex cam site. I didn't write about porn or even the site. I simply talked about the stupid emails the porn site sends out. So, now I have a bunch of pervs checking out my blog. Geesh!

Friday, December 4, 2009

I Heart Annabelle!

Look what Annabelle brought me back from Europe!
I don't know where she got them, but it looks like they were made in Hungary.

Two  Chocolate Bars With Poker In English On Them

She also gave me (on loan) The Boy In The Plastic Bubble DVD starring John Travolta.
That's a pretty funny DVD to loan someone who is basically housebound.
 I heart Annabelle!

Four Weeks And Two Days After Surgery

This time the bandage was on for two weeks.
It looks to me like the incisions are healing well and my big toe could not be straighter.
I just can't wait to wash my foot.

This is Kidra, Dr. Donatto's Assistant who made special socks for me that go over the bandage and mailed them to me when I accidentally left them there.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Secret Blog for Lynnore

OK, I got this today. Do people really fall for this shit or do men just see this and think, Oh goodie another porn site?

I think this whole set up is rather interesting. For instance, the subject in the email header is somewhat personal, but then it is sent to undisclosed-recepients. The whole thing reads so ridiculous. First it starts with an email with instructions to click over to a private blog letter made especially for me, and then in the blog letter I am directed to click on a website that might ask for my credit card number and birth date.

As I kept reading and it got stupider and stupider, I kept imagining the worst about the web site. In my mind it went from a phone sex site to weird looking men with small heads, pursed lips, and squinty eyes holding their big dicks in their hands. I was eating breakfast when I read my private blog letter just for me, yogurt to be exact, so I was a little apprehensive about going to the site.  However, to my dismay when I finally clicked over to the website it was just a sex cam site with women. I think I would have been turned off if it was men, but I was still disappointed, mostly because it is just the same old crap.

    Subject:     Lynnore i hope this isnt a mistake
    Date:     December 3, 2009 2:25:24 AM PST
    To:     undisclosed-recipients:;

Hi Lynnore.....
I'm not guaranteed if Im still going to submit this email, although I must write it or Ill go crazy....I dont understand how else to mention this.... I have a crush on u. been thinking about you always and Im petrified to let out my feelings to you...youll know why if you knew who this is. I may regret this another day, though I think I should to tell you now. I posted a private blog letter for you it is
hidden blog for Lynnore
I truely believe I'm not making a terrible decision but after planning this I know I have to click Send

Secret Blog for Lynnore


If you're reading this I guess you got my e-mail. I'm still not completely sure about this but I can't hide my feelings any longer. I want you to guess who I am and approach me yourself. To help you out with your guessing I made a few pictures and videos with Lynnore written on my body. Theyre kind of risque photos so I had to make a profile at and post them there. My username in the members area is ILuvLynnore09. Its a free website but you might need a CC or Debit to verify your age because I had to. Sigh. But anyway sign up at and once you are inside search for me. I want you to guess who I am and then approach me yourself. Im shy and this is the bravest thing Ive probably ever done but you need to do the rest.

Monday, November 30, 2009

I Am Adding A New Category To This Blog!

I need to have a space to document the facts and run commentary regarding the bitches and assholes who are my neighbors. I am not sure what to call it. OK, how about The Bitches and Assholes Driving Me Crazy? The title might need some fine tuning.

I live in an apartment that was once a single family house that had been split into three units with one upstairs and two downstairs. Later, the apartments were turned into condos. Two women D and K live upstairs. One of them (D) owns the upstairs flat and K acquired the apartment next to mine downstairs with her two sisters and brother about four years ago. K rents the two bedroom apartment out to three people C, A, and J. My apartment is owned by a different woman who is independent from them.

(No Photo Credit)

Everything was great until four years ago when it was decided that since they owned two-thirds of the property they will pretend they own all of it. Because of this lopsided circumstance the couple upstairs and the tenants next to me can do what ever they want, but if I do anything besides breath, all hell breaks loose. My landlady is very young and doesn't want trouble so she just lets them run right over me and K and D are perfectly happy with that arrangement.

The last time I talked with D (the woman who owns the upstairs flat) she told that she is trying to get me to move out. I never really felt comfortable with writing about this on my blog before, but I changed my mind once she copped to harassing me. So, basically this new category will document all of the harassment. This way I will have a place to vent my frustrations and the documentation I'll need when I take them to court.

Monday, November 23, 2009

David Sedaris On The Daily Show

 I didn't see this when it was on June 3, 2008.
It's an interview with Jon Stewart promoting David Sedaris' book When You Are Engulfed in Flames.

Check it out!

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
David Sedaris

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor
Health Care Crisis

David Sedaris' New Audio Book On Vinyl

This is an article from the New York Times. Click on the link to read the entire post.

Popular Author’s Audiobook Tries a New Format: Vinyl

Published: November 22, 2009

As physical formats and devices have shrunk, revenues for the audiobook industry have grown, since it is more convenient to listen to an iPod while exercising and commuting than fiddling with CDs. Digital downloads grew to 21 percent of the industry’s total sales in 2008, from 6 percent in 2004, according to the Audiobook Publishers Association.

It is all the more odd, then, that Hachette Audio recently announced that the latest audiobook by David Sedaris, “Live for Your Listening Pleasure,” which features readings before audiences, would be available on the least portable of formats: vinyl.
Reminiscent of Blue Note albums from the 1950s and 1960s, the cover features a photograph of a woman sprawled on a white shag rug with a come-hither look, albums strewn about. More...

Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Stitches Are Out!

I just had the stitches removed yesterday.
(The purple is from the pen the Dr. used to mark the incisions. It's not permanent.)

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Sarah Handicap (Curb Your Enthusiasm)

I couldn't believe it when the nurse at the state of the art Presidio Surgery Center, who had swiped the fancy wand across my forehead to take my temperature and showed me the tropical scene on the fluorescent light fixtures overhead, handed me a pair of crutches right out of the dark ages. I think the United States and some third world countries are the only ones that still use the underarm crutch. All over Europe and Canada the forearm or elbow crutch is standard.

Tiny Tim on his crutch.
                              Tiny Tim, holding a crutch against his armpit

As soon as I could, I started looking for the forearm crutches on line. There are not a lot available here in the US. Most of them are very ugly and instantly evoke images of polio survivors or the kids with hip problems who used them like two canes, walking  with a swivel and a side to side type of gait. Crutches have come a long way since Dickens' Tiny Tim and a time when we would just call anyone who had a walking problem a cripple. However, you wouldn't know it, if you aren't able to walk with both legs here in the good ol' U S of A.

American Forearm Crutches
(Only come in grey)

Sunday, my friend Smithy decided I needed to get the hell off of my couch and out of my house. She doesn't have a car, so we were going on this field trip with her driving my car, for the first time. Once she adjusted the seat, mirrors, checked everything out, and pulled the car around to the top of the driveway and I very clumsily sat down and shoved the crutches in the back seat, we were off. But, we didn't know where to go or what to do. So, after a lot of "what do you want to do," "I don't know, what do you want to do(s)" we went with our old standby, the beach. Half way there I decided I wanted to just go to the movies, because it seemed easier.
European Forearm Crutch
(Come in many colors, but very expensive)

What a joke! First, when Smithy pulled up to the curb (about 8" away) I couldn't figure out how to negotiate the gap with my crutches, so I made her get closer and that helped. I hobbled over to the box office in West Portal, while trying not to get bumped by the minefield of people walking all around me like Zombies, mindlessly talking on their cell phones. I finally got in line and I had to wait on an incline, which is not easy to do standing on one leg with crutches under each arm. A slight breeze or brush from a cell phone talking Zombie would have knocked me over.

Once I got the tickets and made it inside I waited for Smithy. It took quite a bit of time for her to find a parking space. Soon after she got inside, the ticket girls (there were three) gestured to the theater and Smithy noticed the steep little staircase entering the theater itself. She pointed to the stairs and I freaked. There was no way I could get up those stairs, not to mention how the hell I was going to go down them. I asked the oblivious ticket girls if that was the only way in and why they didn't tell me about it. They said "yeah" and that they didn't have to tell me, because on a small sign posted on the box office window that lists the movies, I am supposed to look for the little wheelchair icon and if there isn't a wheelchair next to the theater, then it is not handicap accessible. I guess they have never been on crutches...Assholes!

By the time Smithy came back with the car and I fell in it, I just wanted to go home. However, Smithy wasn't going for that and we ended up at The Century 20 Theaters in Daly City. The people working there were much nicer and the ticket guy reassured me that there weren't any stairs, just an escalator and an elevator. I chose the elevator. Of course, the theater we needed to get to was the furthest out of twenty. Oh, and the handicap seats are basically in the front row. However, I got used to the seats real fast. I thoroughly enjoyed and highly recommend staring at George Clooney, Ewan McGregor, and Kevin Spacey for an hour and a half, when you feel like shit.

The Men Who Stare at Goats

Saturday, November 14, 2009


Surgery went well and I think my foot looks pretty good. However, I was very disappointed when the bandages were removed and I could plainly see that the Dr. didn't fix the hammer toe, right next to the big toe. I freaked out, but he reassured me that it will be fixed. He explained that the big fix was the bunion and the hammer toe will only take 15 minutes with a local and I'd be able to walk on it the same day. Unfortunately, that won't be done until this is healed in two months. He also told me that I will be using crutches for two months.

Check out the pictures, he had to cut into three different places on my foot. I believe bones were broken, rotated, shaved, and pushed into the correct places.

One Week After Surgery

Bruising By The Ankle

The View From My Doctor's Office

Kidra Taking Off The Bandages

Kidra Getting Closer

No Swelling

The Yellow is the Adhesive, the Purple Marks Incisions, The Red is Blood

He Forgot To Fix The Hammer Toe
(The purple on the big toe is bruising from the bandage being too tight)

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Foot Surgery Prep

I am having surgery on my foot Tuesday and I am starting to get nervous. The last time I had surgery (that laid me up for a few weeks) it was an emergency. Consequently, I didn't really have enough food and my house wasn't very clean. This time I got the heads up about a week ago and I want to be prepared.

Here's my list:

1) New pajama bottoms (preferably ones without little holes in the crotch) with legs wide enough to fit over the ugly shoe/boot I will have to wear for quite a few weeks
2) New T-shirts (without holes and/or stains) to sleep in
3) A new robe light and airy that fits (actually made for a woman) that doesn't make me look like a slob
4) A cute night gown that isn't too short or see through or too long, because I don't want to trip on it with my crutches or have it too twisted around me while I'm sleeping
5) Lots of comfort food that is real easy to make
6) Clean the house from top to bottom, because I probably won't clean for awhile and my Mom's coming for four days and I don't want hear about it
7) A chair to put in the bath tub to sit on while taking a shower with my foot sticking out, so it won't get wet
8) A removable shower head, so I can actually take a shower sitting down
9) Leg wax and pedicure, because everyone will be looking at my legs and toes

I've already been to Home Depot twice and I'm going back today. The first shower head had no power. The second one I bought works OK, but it doesn't fit together properly. It looks and feels like it's going to just fall apart. I bought the shower chair at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, because the ones at Home Depot were too ugly. I mentioned that to the guy helping me and he told me that if I didn't like the way the chair looked, I should decorate it. I told him he was crazy and he suggested stickers. However, I also have to return the chair, because it is defective. I just wish I would have noticed it before I put it together.

I love the pajamas and robe I bought. Everything was so reasonably priced I bought two set of PJ's for my Mom. I still have to clean my house and get the pedi and leg wax, but I feel like I'm on schedule.

Wish me luck! And if you're not doing anything for the next couple of weeks, you can come over and watch movies with me...

Friday, October 23, 2009 and Second Life

I hadn't talked to one of my friends for a long time, so when I called her, I asked her if she's seeing anyone. I loathe asking anyone that question, especially a woman who is in her forties or older. I mostly do it as a manipulative ploy. That way we don't have to talk about me and my singleness, at least not right away. She said she's still dabbling in on line dating. I tried three years ago with terrible, but not surprising results. I feel I am single, because I just seem to meet men who don't really do it for me for one reason or another. So, basically being on meant I just had to deal with a bigger pool of men I didn't want to know.

I hear a lot of crazy stories from my friends about the men they meet on line. My friend (I had mentioned at the top if this post) told me a few more weird stories. One about how the guy (on the third date) went on and on about his interactions with his fellow employees. I think I had blurted out, "bor-ring!" She replied, "Maybe, but he doesn't know his fellow workers, he telecommutes. He's never even met them. He doesn't even know what some of them look like." But that's not even the crazy story.

She told me that she set up a date with a guy that looked and sounded great, kind of George Clooney-esque with steely blue eyes. The date couldn't have gone better, he was even better looking in person, very charming and interesting. Basically, she said she was immediately smitten by her date. I don't even know how he told her, but somehow it was apparent that he was looking for a girlfriend to have in his virtual reality called Second Life. He said she would be a really cute avatar. He thought they were perfect together and could have a great romance in the game.

Seriously, and I was starting to buy into all the crap I hear. That I am single, because I don't try hard enough to snare a man. If I sign up for collagen injections, plastic surgery, and Brazilian wax jobs I would not be single.

Don't worry kiddies, I haven't given up all hope. Now, not only can us single women enlarge the pool of losers we already have to chose from by signing up for,, Yahoo Personals, eHarmony, Facebook, Myspace,, and we can expand it infinitely more, by looking for men in a whole other world, one that doesn't even exist. I can't wait until we can start looking for our soul mates on another planet! Or better yet why do we have to stick to our own solar system or galaxy for that matter? Remember girls, the sky's the limit!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Monday, October 19, 2009

Hot Flashes And Dating

My friends wonder why I am not dating or even really trying. Last week, while I was snapping pictures at an art opening a handsome, well dressed, and well mannered guy (I actually thought was attractive) started talking to me. I was really flattered, but found it very difficult to have much of a conversation. Right when I realized he was flirting with me I had a severe hot flash, but I couldn't take my coat off, because I had a crappy top on underneath. So, I kept looking away, secretly wiping my face. At some point he tried to get closer to me, but then I had a hard time focusing on his face, because I couldn't figure out which part of my lenses to look through. My new glasses are trifocals, not bifocals, trifocals. So, I started squinting and then remembered I had some cheese at the last opening and took the breath test (right in front of him) and then made a face, like it was bad. I wasn't sure what was worse, having bad breath or him knowing that I had just realized I had bad breath.

When I gave him my number (I know that's hard to believe) he told me he was leaving town and won't be back until Christmas and he will call me then. We'll see, I'm not holding my breath. Actually on second thought maybe I should spare a few innocent souls and hold it after all.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Look What I Found!

(Found this on the Internet w/o photo credit)

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


Are men so homophobic they would risk their lives just so they won't have to hold onto another (gasp) man while riding on the back of a motorcycle? Basic physics tells us that leaning back and not holding onto anything or merely a strap or bar that is located behind the passenger, will promote a more bumpy ride with an increased vulnerability to falling off than leaning into the driver. When the passenger leans into the driver they are working with the (forward) motion of the bike. Not to mention they have something to hold on to i.e., the driver.

Living in San Francisco, I see quite a bit of people riding motorcycles and scooters when I'm out and about in the city. I am noticing more and more that the passengers don't seem to be holding on to anything. Albeit, the last time I rode on the back of a bike I nearly cut the driver in half, because I was squeezing his waist so hard, but to not hold on at all or just hold on to the back of the bike seat with one hand? That seems ludicrous.

I haven't been in the position to take pictures of any of this, so I started looking for some online. I found a few, but what I found a lot of were websites and blogs dedicated to instructing people on how to ride on the back of a bike. I was very relieved to see so much information on the subject. However, to my dismay these were the types of things I found. This shit is all over the Internet.

I do not agree with this at all!!!

The following is from the website Instructables (Pay special attention to step 3)

introBeing safe as a pillion passenger on a motorbike. 

step 1For starters...
Before you get on ask the driver if they want you to put your feet down at the lights etc. It's actually a serious point, if they can balance with the extra weight most wil…

step 2Getting on.

Let the rider get on and get themselves set up, don't get on until they've shifted the bike to somewhere they're ready to leave from, ride-arounds are hell with a pillion p…

step 3Now you're moving.

So once you're moving there is that whole business of staying on the bike... Lock your arms behind you or beside you, this stops you tilting back when accelerating and tak…

step 4The other bits.

When it's windy it can be a bit unnerving to be coming over a bridge at 60mph and suddenly be hit by gusts of wind, try not to react to these and give the rider any extra c…

step 5Little extras and good ideas.

Things that will be of help: - Gloves, a decent pair should keep you from freezing to the bike... - A proper motorbike jacket is a plus for protection during crashes an…

Are you kidding me?

After reading step 3, step 4 seems ridiculous. How can you not react to being hit by a gust of wind going over a bridge at 60mph? Whether you like it or not if you are sticking out away from the driver and leaning back you will probably get knocked off of the bike or at least lose balance and cause the bike to react, which could lead to an accident driving on a bridge at high speeds. Weeee!